AJ's Salvation Read online

  “Go ahead, but only until breakfast is over. Then you’ll go and play outside.”

  “Aww, Mom!” Lesso planted a sloppy kiss on her cheek and then hurried from the bedroom, already calling for his friend. Aly got up and slipped into her favorite sweatpants, pulling her hair into a messy bun before putting on one of her brother’s hoodies. She hadn’t kept much from the stuff at home, but those were the most comfortable clothes she could imagine, and comfortable was what made her feel safe.

  She skipped the shoes, burying her feet in the cold sand while walking close to the water’s edge. Aly closed her eyes as the waves washed around her feet. The coolness cleared some of the webs from her head, making her smile.

  “You have an early day,” she heard, looking up to find a jogger coming closer. She recognized that grin easily.

  “Spence, hey.” She smiled, waiting until he was close enough.

  “Lesso has Tom over again, and they kinda thought it was okay to get up at six on a Sunday morning. I needed some air and decided to come out here.” Spencer was a guy she had occasionally been seeing. Even though he was nice and quite good-looking with sandy hair and blue eyes, he had nothing on the guy she saw every time she looked at her son.

  “It’s been a while since I’ve seen you out this early. I was wondering if you had moved away. After all, your phone doesn’t seem to be working, either.” He cocked a brow, and Aly rubbed her neck in embarrassment. She had seen his calls and always wanted to call back, but she had to admit it always slipped her mind.

  “I promise I wanted to call you, but then something always came up, and then something else… and I forgot,” she confessed. The truth was she worried he’d get touchy. Every time they had been out, he had been nothing but respectful, but a guy wouldn’t wait forever, right?

  “Why don’t you and me – ”

  “Mom! Come on! I’m hungry! Please?” her son called as the screen door banged behind him. She turned away from Spence and looked at her son.

  “I thought we agreed to wait?” she called back, and her son shook his head.

  “We don’t have to. He’s here,” he answered and then looked expectantly at her while she pressed her lips together.

  “You’re having someone over for breakfast?” She could hear the crack in Spencer’s voice, and it made her feel guilty. Not that she had any reason to, since they weren’t an item, but she still knew the etiquette. Spence now surely thought she had gone behind his back to find someone else while keeping him on the back burner, just in case.

  “Little man, why don’t you and I go inside and start preparing? You know how to make pancakes, right?” Aly’s heart stopped as Jam, too, stepped out on the porch through her screen door, looking like a man who didn’t shy away from hard work. He had never been small, but over the last decade, he had clearly filled out well from manual labor. He didn’t look at her for long, just forced out a smile and a curt nod toward Spence then he picked up his son and walked back inside. They looked so good together it made her wish she could take a picture.

  “Spencer, this is not what it looks like, I promise. How about I deal with the mess inside and then I’ll call you? There’s that movie we wanted to watch together. I’ll get Dorly to watch Alessandro and then you can pick me up and –”

  “That movie hasn’t been showing in weeks, Alessia. Don’t think I didn’t see that look in your eyes when you saw him,” Spencer said quietly, and she reached out to touch his arm, only to pull back at the last second. “We’ve been going out for weeks, and I have never once set foot in that house, yet he … who is he even?”

  “Mom, you can’t let Dad do all the work! We invited him for breakfast!” Alessandro called from behind the screen door and then vanished again.

  “Oh, wow, that explains a lot,” Spence grumbled.

  “No, it doesn’t. Spencer, I really wish I could explain this whole thing to you, but I can’t. Let me call you and we’ll have dinner. I’ll cook and …” She trailed off. Even if they sat down, she couldn’t tell him all about this complicated situation. He’d forever assume she had slept with Jamison, and she couldn’t ever correct him.

  “It’s okay, Alessia. There was always something standing between us. Get this over with, solve the issue with him, and then, whenever you’re truly free, come and see me,” Spencer pleaded, framing her face to kiss her forehead.

  Aly closed her eyes, wondering if this ‘issue’ could ever fully resolve.

  Jamison had wanted to call out to Aly, but just then, the guy leaned in and kissed her forehead. Jealousy burned through Jam hot and bright, making him grind his teeth.

  “That’s Spencer. He wants to be Mom’s friend, but she doesn’t like to play with him, so she never lets him into the house. And when she’s on the phone with him, she always says she has to work.” Alessandro stood next to him, also watching the two outside.

  “Don’t you want your mom to be happy?” Jam asked and then watched his son’s reaction.

  “Mom’s happy when she can have a coffee with that syrup thing she likes. It’s in the cupboard. And she’s happy when she can make pancakes for Tom and me.” He said this with a nod and then turned back around while Jam realized Aly was returning to the house.

  “Next time you feel like spying on me, try to remember that windows work both ways,” she snapped defensively as she passed him, making him grin. Somewhere in that womanly shell, she hid the girl he once knew.

  “I’m sorry. I brought flowers,” he pointed out, nodding toward the bouquet that lay on the counter. She turned to him, cocking her head while pushing her hip out.

  “And that makes everything better, huh?” she asked, a smile playing over her lips.

  “It got me inside just like Alessandro said it would.” He grinned sheepishly, and she shook her head.

  “You wanna hear what I think? It was the chocolate that gained you entry,” Aly accused, and he wasn’t the slightest bit surprised she had caught on so quickly. “Are you supposed to have chocolate before breakfast?” she then asked her son, and Jam watched as Alessandro looked at Aly with a trembling lip.

  “I just took one piece, Mom, I swear,” he mumbled, and she knelt down, wiping the obvious evidence from the corner of his mouth.

  “Technically, seeing as it’s Jam’s fault you’re breaking my rules, I guess he should take the punishment for it, huh?” she asked with a twinkle in her eye. As much as Jam wanted to protest, the serious expression with which his son turned to him made him laugh out loud.

  “I’m sorry, Dad, but she’s right.”

  Jam sobered, biting back his grin, and looked at his son. “What’s the punishment for eating before you should?”

  “You’re the last one to get a pancake. And you need to help her prepare and wash up afterward with her. You can’t play until Mom’s ready,” Alessandro announced as if it was the end of the world.

  “No, really? I hate cleaning up,” Jam fussed. Lesso leaned in as if he was going to share a secret, so Jamison bent down.

  “I hate it, too. Usually, if I’m really nice and tell her I love her, then I get out of it,” he explained conspiratorially.

  “Good suggestion,” Jam replied with a grin.

  “Stop whispering,” Aly scolded, placing her hands on her hips. She looked serious, but Jamison knew her well enough to recognize the signs of amusement on her face. “Jamison, you have been a bad boy, so you need to help me prepare. Up,” she went on, pointing at him with a threatening finger. As much as he loved being around his son, he couldn’t deny that he wanted a few moments alone with the woman who had saved the little boy all those years ago.

  He joined her in the kitchen where he and Alessandro had already taken out everything they would need to prepare the batter. “He calls me dad as if it’s the most normal thing in the world,” he whispered, and she nodded, breaking the eggs while licking her lips.

  “For him, it is,” she finally admitted, and he leaned back against the wall, watching her in sile
nce for a moment as he waited for her to continue. “When I left, I wondered what I should tell him. But I figured I should stay as close to the truth as possible. As soon as he was old enough, I started to tell him about you. Greg always sent pictures of you and him doing things together, and I would point you out. At some point, it simply became a tradition. He was sure you’d come by one day. He knows everything about you that I know.” She wasn’t looking at him, but he could tell her mind wasn’t on the task at hand. She spilled nothing, though, apparently having prepared breakfast like this more than once.

  “In the beginning, I thought you’d show and try to take him back. Or that they would figure it all out. No matter what I feared, though, I wanted Alessandro to be an open, happy child. I taught him always to be friendly to people yet never go with anyone. His teachers think he’s the most polite kid out there. I don’t know what you’d want your son to learn, but I figured respecting women and being a sweet kid was all a dad could ask for.” Her voice was quivering. He reached for her, but she avoided his touch.

  “You did everything just the way I hoped you would.” His throat felt thick as she looked up.

  “He has so much of you, you wouldn’t believe it. He’s a hit with the ladies, especially the ones he wants something from. During summer, there’s an ice-cream stand down the road. I allow him ice cream two days a week. Sadly, he knows how to talk to that lady, so he always gets one for free. He has your strong mind and happy demeanor. Sometimes, when I see him …” She trailed off as if she had been close to saying something that wasn’t intended for his ears. As it was, he had heard enough anyway.

  She had no idea about what was hidden beneath the face she had known for so long. A happy demeanor was something he no longer possessed. And if he would have the strong mind Aly obviously had admired back then, they’d never be where they were right then.

  “Stop talking about me as if I’m someone amazing,” Jam barked, and Alessia’s head snapped up, total surprise on her face.

  She meanwhile had taken out a pan and was flipping the food like a professional cook. He loved watching her, yet he wanted to leave. He shouldn’t be with her, yet he was unable to help but be proud of what his son had become.

  “You and I may never have been close, as in best friends or lovers, but I’ve seen you. I’ve heard you. I’ve spent so much time watching you and listening to you that I know exactly what’s inside that handsome skin!” Her protest was lost on him. She knew nothing, but he wasn’t ready to comment on that any further.

  “How did you come up with his name?” He could tell he’d startled her with the topic change. He also realized he had taken on a rather aggressive stance, so he put a smile on and took a deep breath. She shook her head, confused, and he couldn’t blame her.

  “I wanted him to have something from me. You and I know he’s not my child, but at least now he has a part of my name in him.”

  Before Jam could comment on that, though, she had called the boys into the kitchen, making the serious talk instantly vanish. As it was, Jam couldn’t wait to just sit at a table and watch his son in action.

  Breakfast had been draining, and Aly was glad when Tom’s mom, Shelley, had picked up her son and taken Lesso along. The boys weren’t ready to part yet, and it suited Aly just fine. The moment silence spread in her house, she was incredibly aware of the fact Jamison was there. The living room suddenly seemed too small, and with his intoxicating scent filling her house, she couldn’t think. There were things they needed to talk about, though, so she decided to change.

  “I’ll be right back, okay?” She didn’t think she needed to remind him to stay, so she just looked at him for a second before hurrying upstairs to put on some jeans and a different sweater. Passing the mirror, she suddenly stopped. She knew she was being ridiculous, but she decided to put on some mascara and lip gloss. It had been a while since she had gotten pretty for a guy, and she missed it. Besides, Jam wasn’t just any guy. Her heart didn’t once stop reminding her of that very fact. She felt as if she had been running a marathon because her heart rate hadn’t gone down ever since Jam appeared on her porch the night before.

  Her cheeks were flushed, and she realized she missed this kind of anticipation. None of the guys she dated had ever caused this in her. With Jam, though, all she needed was one look and she wanted to tear his clothes off. Not that she’d ever do that. Not that he’d ever allow it.

  She used her favorite perfume, the one too expensive for her taste but that she had treated herself to some years back. She missed getting it from Greg for Christmas.

  Taking a breath, she went back down, seeing him stare at the pictures of his son and then, at the pictures of himself.

  “You weren’t lying,” Jam whispered in awe as she came to stand next to him. She knew every photo by heart and even had a few favorites.

  “Take a walk with me,” she implored in a low voice, worrying he’d turn her down.

  “Happily. Your scent will drive me crazy if we stay in here. And don’t think I haven’t noticed that you make sure not to touch me anymore. I couldn’t guarantee I would stay away if we stayed in closed-off rooms.” She wanted to protest, but he had always been rather observant. She heard the hurt in his voice, though.

  “Don’t take it personally,” she pleaded.

  “Explain it then,” he requested, but Aly couldn’t. Touching him again would ignite a fire in her that she had worked long and hard to quell. She still felt the stubble against her palm even though that had been almost twelve hours prior. The way he’d held her seemed to have molded her body, and she had no doubt she would fit just as perfectly in his arms again. No, she couldn’t do that, nor could she guarantee anything, either.

  “If someone has to explain something, it’s you, I think,” she told him, leading him out of the house and locking the door behind her. Small towns were safe, no doubt, but she still liked knowing all her possessions were out of easy reach.

  “You’re right,” Jam admitted, burying his hands in his pockets again. It was something he did a lot, she noticed.

  “Talk. I have all day now.” She didn’t mention she had planned to spend it with him. She wanted to sit on the sofa, stare at his pictures, and eat ice cream. Buckets of it.

  “Collene’s gone and no one knows why she vanished.” Alessia almost stumbled at those words.

  “And your first impulse was to come here? What if she was following you?” She knew she wasn’t as quiet as she thought, but she couldn’t help it. “Ten years and everything was fine. She never once guessed I had anything to do with it, and now that she’s gone, you get in a car and come here? What’s wrong with you?”

  Aly stopped, wishing she lived somewhere out in a forest. No one would hear them for miles, and she could cry out in frustration. Instead, she needed to calm down and focus.

  “You don’t seriously think I came here right away! I changed cars twice and took a plane between. I was on the road for four days before coming, and I paid in cash. This was never supposed to be my life, but because I worried about you, I took that upon me. Greg wanted to come, but I told him to stay. Someone needs to keep me updated on what’s happening with the Karmison family. This was my chance, Aly. You have no idea what I’ve been through. You have no idea who I am any longer. I changed. In fact, I was already changing when you took my son. I’m not who you want me to be. I probably never was. No matter what, though, I needed to see him again. I was curious.” Aly saw him shake with suppressed anger, and she read something in his eyes that she never before had seen in him. Self-hatred.

  “I always wondered how a father couldn’t think about his only child,” she admitted, and Jam shook his head, looking everywhere but at her.

  “You have no idea about Collene, Aly. The things that went on after you left were beyond crazy. I … I cannot tell you about it. I’m not proud of some things I’ve done. I’ve been part of Collene’s life for too long and …”

  He stopped there, not giving her any mor
e information, and that was something she wouldn’t take.

  Jam saw the way Aly’s forehead furrowed in stubbornness. He didn’t want to tell her; he was too ashamed.

  “Alessia, you were always such an amazing girl, and now, look at you. You studied, and you love your life here. You managed to do something with your life. I’m going to stay only long enough to make sure no one figured it out. Collene never wanted that child, but once he was gone, she went insane. She accused everyone of taking the baby. The police questioned everyone and their mother. I never had a reason to call you, but I had every reason to believe Collene’s father had my phone tapped. I could’ve gotten another one, but I didn’t want to stir up your life. You needed to settle in and find your routine. If I had called you, you probably would have thought I was trying to control you, and no woman, no person, should ever feel someone else is trying to run their life for them.” He combed his finger through his hair and watched her reaction. Her lower lip was trembling, and she settled down on the sand. He did the same, moving close enough he was almost touching her.

  “I never went to college after I left. There was no way for me to do that with the baby. Your money helped me find a nice little house, and then I looked for work where I could take him. There was a restaurant in town owned by a woman. She had her boy there and the little ones were together from that day on. Alessandro was an easy child. I guessed it was because of … Collene. After all, that’s what she taught him early on. Don’t make a sound when you need something. I waited five months to bring him to a doctor and have him thoroughly checked. Luckily, he didn’t have any lasting damage.” She stared straight ahead, lost in thoughts, and Jam wanted to pull her close and hold her. Hell, he’d be satisfied if she’d only rest her head against his shoulder. Any contact would suit him just fine because Aly was everything Collene was not. As emotional as it made him feel, he wanted to be with a woman like Aly.